How Vaginal Atrophy Wrecked This Couple’s Intimate Life For A Decade

The names in this story are kept anonymous for privacy reasons. Instead, we will use fake names to hide their identity.

The love and fire Vanessa and Tom had for each other was still burning strongly, and their marriage was still going strong. But unfortunately, their relationship hit a snag.

Sex started to become uncomfortable for Vanessa, so much that she just couldn’t bear the pain anymore. As a result, she and her husband, Tom, gave up being intimate for almost a decade. Inevitably, it started to drive a wedge between their relationship.

Vanessa first experienced the painful shift from pleasure to discomfort during sex after a hysterectomy 10 years ago at 45. With a history of breast cancer in her family, she didn't want to take on the risks of hormone replacement therapy.

Furthermore, she found it difficult to bring up the subject of vaginal pain with her family doctor. "I didn't think it was something that could be fixed, and I was embarrassed to talk about it," she says.

Like many women who suffer from a menopausal condition called vaginal atrophy. And being too shy, she hasn't confided in friends and even struggled to bring up the subject with doctors.

"At the lowest point, I had totally zero sex drive whatsoever," Vanessa says. "Tom and I always hit it off, and we had an unspoken chemistry between us. Honestly, he’s the reason I even kept going. He kept saying there has to be a way to fix this. 

We had a ton of late nights filled with talking and crying and trying to figure it out before we finally found a professional who put the lovemaking back in our marriage."

The professional was Sarah, a gynaecologist who was versed in menopausal issues. She reassured Jessica that the situation she was in is common, and she was not alone. 

She explained that during menopause, when estrogen takes a nosedive, nearly half of the women experience symptoms such as thinning and dryness in the vaginal wall that can lead to painful intercourse.

"Most women are not comfortable talking about this with their doctor, and many doctors don't address it," Sarah says. “Because there is still an invisible connotation of shame when you admit you have vaginal atrophy, because the ‘dried up old lady’ always gets made fun of.”

"You don't have to accept pain with intercourse as a way of life. It can be easily fixed, and women are entitled to having pain-free, enjoyable sexual activity."

After months of trying out Sarah’s plan for the couple, Vanessa & Tom was finally able to be intimate without any discomfort, and the couple’s sex drive returned. Both had retired, and having more time together made it even more important to them to reclaim the joy of sex.

Sarah’s plan included having Vanessa applying a vaginal prescription cream twice a week. Vaginal dilators — smooth plastic, rubber or glass cylinders that come in graduated sizes and weights — were also recommended because they help expand the vagina and increase elasticity of the tissues.

On the day of their 20th anniversary, Tom accompanied Vanessa back to Sarah’s office for their last checkup. Tom gifted Sarah with a box of chocolates and flowers, as a show of appreciation for saving their marriage.

That evening, Vanessa & Tom had a wonderful seafood dinner, then made sweet love — celebrating not just Valentine's Day but also the fact that this important facet of intimacy has been restored and their 20-year relationship is now stronger than ever.